League of Extraordinary Gentlemen: As much as I like Sean Connery, he’s just too freakin old to play Allen Quartermain. But at least they didn’t get Richard Chamberlain to play that part again. This is an example of comic book adaptations gone awry. First of all, it’s not a very well-known comic outside of the comic geek circles. I mean, everyone’s heard of Spiderman and Superman and Batman and characters like that, but who here actually knew LXG (the horrid abbriviation for this title) was actually based on a comic book? Yes, you in the back with the pony tail and the stained blue shirt…
Daddy Day Care: Do you even remember when Eddie Murphy was funny? Yeah, I didn’t think so. The guy makes a few good films in the 80s (Trading Places, Beverly Hills Cop, Coming to America), does some crap (Golden Child, The Distinguished Gentleman), then makes a couple hits in the 90s (The Nutty Professor, Dr. Dolittle), leeched off their success (The Nutty Professor 2, Dr. Dolittle 2), and has rounded the train straight to crap (Pluto Nash, assorted other honking pieces of feces). Eddie, go back to making fun of James Brown & Buckwheat.
The In-Laws: I just don’t think that Michael Douglas and Albert Brooks will have the chemistry between them that Peter Falk and Alan Arkin had in the 1979 version of this flick. Pass over it and tell Michael to go back to doing his wife.
2 Fast 2 Furious: 2 little 2 late. No Vin Diesel = no screaming teenage girls.
The Hulk: Sorry Ang Lee, but you can’t mess with the Hulk. Unless of course you include that sad walking away song that always played at the end of every episode of the Incredible Hulk. I think I’ll just enjoy the Incredible Hulk DVDs that are on my Netflix queue and pass this one over. Besides, it has a stringy-looking Nick Nolte in it. Here Nick, have a beer.
From Justin to Kelly: Three words: No Freakin Way.
Pirates of the Carribean: Please someone send Michael Eisner off to Never Never Land. Next thing you know they’re going to have a movie about the teacup ride.
Charlie’s Angels 2, Legally Blonde 2, Terminator 3, Bad Boys 2, Tomb Raider 2, American Wedding, Jeepers Creepers 2, Dumb and Dumberer, Spy Kids 3D: All sequels that should not be made. Please please please won’t someone finally just go to Hollywood and make a movie about a pie-eating crime fighting midget who can travel through time and has a talking, shifty-eyed dog for a partner and an irritable boss (preferably African American)? I mean, this is where we’re heading people. And I get grief for going to see X2 and Matrix Reloaded?